The last time I had an ache in my heart this bad, the next day I was up to help at the Oakley's holiday kids club thingy. It felt bad, and the lonely 30 minute walk up to Summer Hill seemed to amplify the pain. That was about 3 years ago.
This time, it feels worse because I can't 'lower my pace' at work to try to cope with the pain thats weighing me down. And I need to stop burying the pain deep within. And the pain this time isn't from the one source, but the manifold events happening in my personal life I described yesterday just massively stressing me out.
The Lord spoke to me at Grad Conn and said "I can't make all the decisions for you". In my situation, that is true. I have relied far too much on circumstances to force upon me an easy decision, or been too lazy to decide, or deferred to another something I really should decide myself, or just waited too long. I believe in the sovereignty of God, but now I must also remember and believe that I am responsible too. In a vox pop thing I gave for this video they'll be showing at MYC, I asked for clarity to know the answer. God answered soon after, and now the burden of the Lord is upon me. I never thought it would be this heavy. I must trust now that what I must do is right, and that this heavy load I now bear will not overwhelm me, as he has said. May the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob be my strength. Amen.
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1 comment:
Whoah, dude.
Sorry, haven't been reading blogs very much recently...due to work pressures (of two varieties).
Hope you're doing okay.
If it's any comfort, I hate making life-changing decisions as well, and I also am used to letting the opening and closing of doors make my paths straight.
Give me a call sometime if you want to chat about stuff.
-H.
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