On loneliness

I hate it when factors compound.

Saturday - Wedding of church friends, Justin and Christine. A great day for a wedding. Also variously funny, and a good time to catch up with friends. Except one.

Sunday - Sermon on Genesis 2. The feeling of loneliness is brought to bear from some application points towards the end, and the way I left.

Monday - Valentines Day. Now I'm stuffed. I'm not going to say why. My may have already guessed.

Loneliness hurts. I've felt like I've been on my own since leaving uni. In some ways I've felt like a lone operator. Even on beach mission, I felt like I was running my own thing on section. Now, I just feel, alone. Lonely. Most of my congregation is married, and I feel left out. We hardly talk at work, focusing on tasks, I don't live close to the friends I long for most, and I wish someone would just call me. People don't usually just come up to me and chat, and I wish that someone would just talk to me. All thats left for me is a fantasy world in my powerful imagination of futures that could have been, of escape, and a fragmented world that I wish I could just start over again. But I can't. I long for help but I don't know how to ask. I wish someone would reach in here and help me up. My Lord is with me, but cures for depression do not come easily. He keeps me going. I'm still here. I still have something he wants me to do. And I keep going. But I can't do it alone. It hurts too much alone.

In many ways, this is why Sad is the second track to my compilation. Its, sad. It reminds me of the pain and loneliness I feel. Its sad. And this loneliness feels so cruel. Its sad.